Context of the previous “Connotate this, bitch!”: While Joe and I were in Denver, we visited the 16th street mall downtown. It’s an awesome collection of shops and restaurants that populate oddly enough, 16th Street. This road is closed to car traffic except for hybrid buses that shuttle people back and forth along the parkway. So I observed that, “It’s so long you can ride a bus up and down it.”
We ended up staying in Richfield, UT last night because for some reason all the hotel lobbies in Salina were closed. That’s not how I would think one would make business but then again I’ve never worked in the hotel business. We’re pretty easy when it comes to what we want for our money: Two double or queen sized beds, free internet to keep up with the blog, and a nice hot breakfast and we got that again at the Quality Inn in Richfield. The guy who checked us in was a little creepy. As in, I will break into your room and kill you while you sleep creepy, but besides that the service was stellar. I only have one complaint about Richfield, UT. I seemed to be the only minority there. We decided that if I chose to move there they would probably keep me in a zoo and feed me scraps of meat much like the corned beef hash that I had today at the breakfast buffet in JB’s restaurant which was right next door. We had one regret on this leg of the trip. We missed much of the natural beauty of Utah such as more majestic mountains and the red rock formations because we were driving through at night. The good news is we picked up postcards in Richfield to show us what we missed. What else happened you ask? I’ll tell you:
We learned that a Hooter’s Girl competition is just as good as porn at 2am in Utah.
We also learned that many of the highway onramps on our trip that are pretty much in the middle of nowhere have grates across them so that curious wildlife will not mosey on to the highway to see what’s up only to see there lives flash before them instead. These grates are called “cattle guards” and everyone uses them as landmarks when giving directions…. And only them. No street names, no mileage, just cattle guards.
We’ve really encountered some interesting odors sitting in a car for 3000 miles so far. Some of them are still unexplainable today but others we have found are emitting from us. For instance, we’ve decided that the smell off our sandals could choke a cow. We’re still working on remedies for this and we think lathering them in Old Spice might do the trick.
Exit 17 on I-15 in Utah: “Chain Up Area” Anyone else think this is in bad taste considering this exit is right next to an Indian reservation and the antagonistic relations between them and the white man?
Beaver, UT- “Mountains of Fun”- So says a billboard near the city. I don’t have a dirty mind or anything, I just thought you should know.
There’s an exit on I-15 in UT that you’re supposed to take if you are “fatigued.” The first of it’s kind that we’ve seen. We were trying to envision what it must look like and we decided it probably looks like a bowling lane with those rubber bumpers on the side. You know, you still get to your destination on time AND you don’t kill anyone!
We stopped in a wonderful restaurant/bar in Glendale, AZ that was pretty much in the middle of nowhere but the food was great. And I’m pretty sure it was just called, “Restaurant-Bar.” It was a wonderful experience except when I was ridiculed by Joe and the waitress for ordering a patty melt without the grilled onions. They both thought all I did was order a hamburger. But hear me out! I see the difference between a cheeseburger and a patty melt residing in the type of bread used. A cheeseburger has a hamburger bun, a patty melt has rye sliced bread. That’s a major texture change and thus for me I think it calls for a “patty melt” order so I can get it. Of course, I guess I could order a cheeseburger on rye bread but I think that defeats the purpose of having a patty melt on the menu…. Right?
We had our first night in Las Vegas tonight and the merriment was off the hook. But I’ll save all the sordid stories for tomorrow’s entry where we will have a massive Las Vegas entry. I’ll give you a hint as to what Joe and I did… twins!!! Schwing!!!! Siamese twins…
Conversation excerpt:
Joe: I’m going to feel weird defecating there.
Me: Yeah, me too, I can picture the toilet bowl being filled with holy water. It may burn me.
Joe: Crosses imprinted on the toilet paper. I may need to poo when I get there, though.
Me: Right away?
Joe: No, not right when I get there.
Me: You just go right on the driveway. “Hey Tita Marilou and Tito Ned. That’s my friend over there shitting on your driveway”.
Joe: He was raised by wolves. Just give him a bowl of water.
Trivia: An adult sleeping with another adult in a full size bed- four feet, six inches wide, and six feet two inches long- has less personal space than a baby in a crib.
“Connotate this, bitch”: “Your banana keeps poking me.”
No comments:
Post a Comment