Context of the previous “Connotate this, bitch!”: When Joe and I were talking about the whole fountain/art conundrum and how hard it is as an artist to get “discovered” I said, “As with everything in Vegas, it’s all about luck.” Joe then proceeded to give me a faux-awe “Oooo,” to which I replied, “I’ve been sitting on that one for the past four days.”
So here we are now in Sunny Southern California, a virtual oasis for those who like their tans dark and their car windows tinted darker. We arrived in the late afternoon and played a little hacky-sack on a sleepy neighborhood street while we waited for my friend to come back to her house. We noticed within the first couple of minutes of being there that L.A. is a dog friendly city. Everybody and their mothers owned a dog and I think that’s something I could like in a city. It’s like if I were to put an ad in the classifieds it would read a little something like this: “20-something, medium-well to well-educated male seeking chic, outdoorsy hundreds-of-years old state for fun and maybe something more. MUST LOVE DOGS.” Disclaimer: The previous statement is in no way an admission that I have seen that chick flick. Any inklings toward that possibility should be promptly snuffed out as well as never thought of again. But anyway, they love dogs and I love them for it. We started our tour of L.A. at the Salt Creek Grille. This posh yet pleasantly casual lounge/restaurant offered live jazz music to serenade the stylish crowd as they chowed down (in a classily restrained way, of course) on food of varied styles and flavors. They had all sorts of unique and inspired creations on their menu… so I got a bacon cheeseburger. It was a great experience up until we received the bill and I upon looking at it immediately shat a brick. We then hit up the L.A. bar scene, specifically, a Mexican bar full of the sorority sister-type hordes of L.A. girls. You know the type. It seems like they’ve rehearsed the exact order they are going to stand in and it looks like they’re posing for some brochure. Something that would have the caption, “Come to L.A., have fun, and stand in order from tallest to shortest!” It almost makes you wonder how much they have to re-rehearse if one of them all of a sudden has a growth spurt. After those shenanigans, we decided to call it a night and retired to the cottage on the park. The next day we started a locals tour of L.A. We started out the day eating at this expensive-looking yet totally affordable café in Studio City. Then we drove through Hollywood checking out all the tourist staples like the Graumann’s Chinese Theatre, the Kodak Theatre, the Hollywood sign (from afar), and Mel’s Drive-In Diner. We also hiked up a local canyon (which goes by the name of Runyon) to get breathtaking views of the city. These views weren’t so much breathtaking because of what we were seeing but because of the intense smog we were inhaling. After that healthy/unhealthy hike, we drove off to Huntington Beach to add some seaside action to our road trip. That location was made up mostly of alcoholic beverages, fire pit fires, and laying on the broken glass riddled beach with a gorgeous view of oil rigs on the ocean. We stayed in a full-blown house. I mean, one with more than one bathroom, antique furniture, and a sun room. And as previously mentioned, the fire pit. This fire pit was amazing. Once we dumped a whole half a gallon of gasoline on it, it provided warmth and entertainment for hours on end. We even roasted some s’mores. Well not exactly s’mores, but possibly something more amazing then them. They consisted of mini marshmallows, and chocolate covered keebler elf cookies. We called them logansmallows after their creator. All in all, I feel we did SoCal right so here’s some other events and observations that occurred:
Another reason we say we got a locals tour of L.A. is because we spent a large part of the time in the car. Apparently, locals spend all their time in their car either stuck in traffic or making their way across the city to get to engagements and what not. That made me happy.
Joe was attacked by pelicans while he was surfing. I guess it isn’t that funny if you didn’t know that right before that he was almost hit by and old armed forces airplane that did a fly by. It still might not be funny. I guess it just makes me happy seeing Joe come close to bodily harm every now and then.
Almondwood is the worst wood to use when attempting to start and maintain a fire. That’s the kind of wood we used the second night around the fire pit. It didn’t even last when we doused it in gasoline. It was quite disheartening and we were considering taking it back to the Safeway grocery store from whence we got it. Saying something like, “This wood you sold to us is an abomination and a slap in the face to all who have no real idea how to start a fire. You should be ashamed of yourselves.”
If you ever happen by Huntington Beach, you should definitely check out Ruby’s Diner which is right at the end of the pier off the downtown area. Not only is their namesake and mascot incredibly fot, the food is great too! They have the best jalapeno jack cheese sticks around and I could stare at the placemat with a drawing of Ruby for an eternity. So what if the way she tilts her head makes it look like she has a broken neck. I would gladly put her neck brace on any day of the week.
When we were driving around the Beverly Hills neighborhood where all the stars live we tried to follow a tour bus really close so we could hear whose houses we were near.
On Mother’s Day, a group of us went to IHOP for brunch… without our mothers. It was very weird because every other table in the joint had a mother present. I almost felt like borrowing one of the mothers from another table just so we could have one at ours.
The one neat thing about the broken glass-riddled, oil rig-dotted beach we went to is that there were dolphins playing in the water literally a football field away from us. This taught me one lesson: Unlike humans, dolphins aren’t picky. Even when a patch of water is teeming with oil and broken glass, they will still play in it like the dickens.
What the hell does that saying mean, “like the dickens?”
Wahoo’s is a great place for fish tacos and a whole lot of good food at good prices.
Joe should do public service announcements for a cause that I’ve found is near and dear to his heart. It would go something like this:
“Hi! I’m Joe Dixon. You might remember me from such places as the beach, or the hospital or even your bedroom. But today I’m here to talk to you about something altogether different. When on an incline, make sure to curb your wheels and most importantly engage your parking brake. This will prevent your car from initiating any unnecessary sliding and from becoming a “runaway car.” This has been a parking brake moment brought to you by Joe Dixon. Stay Classy!”
Trivia: More than six hundred thousand Americans each year are injured on beds and chairs.
“Connotate this, bitch!”: “Why, do you want to get some wood?”
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