Day Dos

Context of the previous “Connotate this, bitch!”: We had a mishap with the windshield wiper fluid. We turned it on to clean my gunky-ass windshield and immediately afterwards rolled down the windows. Some droplets rocketed into the car and mauled our faces and thus “Don’t swallow it, it’s poisonous” was spaketh.

Hey! You came back! Or you’re here for the first time! Or I’m still talking to myself. Anywho, it’s been about 14 hours I think since I wrote the last entry and craziness has abounded. We decided to drive straight through last night and are still going as we speak. I got about a 3 hour catnap between, around 3am and 6am this morning while joe got the shitty graveyard shift. Apparently, there was a monsoon while I was asleep, the road was poorly lit, and the lane divider lines were lacking those reflector squares. And believe me, when it comes to those little reflector squares, you don’t know what you have until they up and run away and your left swerving dangerously close to a semi truck carrying cows. But apparently we survived. Then I took over the driving at 6 am, coffee cup firmly planted in hand and we’ve made some good time since then. We’re now about 2 to 3 hours outside Denver enjoying the incredibly repetitive landscape of Kansas. Kansas now ranks high on my list of the most gouge-your-eyes-out boring states to drive through. We actually saw a tumbleweed roll across the highway. A real life tumbleweed in the most perfect state to contain them. But anyway, on with the fun and frivolity of the past 14 hours:

When you spend 6 hours driving through Kansas, you start to run out of things to talk about. It’s not so much lack of creativity on our part that causes this, but the fact that Kansas sucks the living energy out of you with ITS lack of a creative landscape. I swear it was 6 hours of overpass, gas station on the left with run down farm next door followed by miles of empty pastures over and over again. When this happens, you grasp at any conversation topic that pops into your head. So Joe posed the question: “If you lived in one of the farm houses in Kansas, would the thought cross your mind to fuck a sheep?” What started as a simple query, blossomed into a ten minute ethical and moral discussion that covered amongst other things, distance from the nearest human contact if you were to fuck this sheep, years since your last human contact, and whether if you did have kids, it would be more morally disreputable to fuck your children or to fuck a sheep. We ended on the question of whether you would use a condom. I said, “Yes, a sheepskin one just to spite it.” I blame Kansas for this regrettable decline in conversation quality and I think you should too.

Conversation Excerpt:

Joe: This atlas doesn’t have Kansas the state or Kansas the city.
Me: You mean Kansas City the city?

We’ve decided that St. Louis is overrated.

We passed a sign for a motel called the Free Breakfast Inn. What do they offer for breakfast you ask? Juice, Coffee and Toast.

Useless Trivia (In light of the disreputable conversation we carried on earlier today): A pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

Connotate this, Bitch!: Yours is a lot frothier than mine.